Can you please come get your crap out of my house?

Our torrid affair started about ten years ago when you lured me away from my trusty but immature MRC Prodigy by flashy promises of wireless control and 128 speed steps. Now, here I sit, wounded and fuming at you once again, blinking DCS 150, LocoNet network, a couple of battery-eating wireless paperweights.

I should have known from the start by the sheer smugness of your computer geek directions. When you told me, “In advanced 28/128 speed step mode, the V-start value is interpolated from the first speed step to the middle speed step or ‘mid’ step, 15,” I didn’t understand but I trusted you. You knew what you were doing and you would let me run my trains, not my track, isn’t that what you said? Little did I know your “IT Guy” attitude permeates everything you do.

I started to get you figured out, though. We had some good times, did some steamy advanced consisting and we programmed, you remember, right there on the main? But now you make my locomotives randomly run, or randomly stop. I tell you I want this consist for train A, and when I turn the throttle, train B starts to roll. I’ve given you fresh batteries, keyed in the consist again, restarted you. I’ve held you close to my face and pleaded. And, I’m sorry for all the times I’ve yelled “you suck, you suck, you suck, you suck, you suck” at you.

Maybe I’m not smart enough for you. You as much as told me so, in that heady time when I still had faith and was willing to go to your website for help.

I wanted to move on a long time ago, but I’d invested too much. You can change, I told myself, so instead of letting you go I kept letting you get closer. Another throttle. More decoders.

Starting over is so hard, though, and costs so much.

Maybe if I put away the laptop, and hold you just right…